He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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