Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
