Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
