Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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