i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
