I just saw a hot homeless man
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
