I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
