I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
