I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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