I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
