no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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