Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
