You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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