i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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