I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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