could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
