fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
