dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Banned from zoo.
Again?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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