I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
