Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
