Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
