Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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