upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize