I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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