I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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