So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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