I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize