So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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