thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
