I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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