I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
