Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
