We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize