just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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