they need to just BURY HIM!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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