Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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