The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
