Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
