i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
