I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My life is pants optional.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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