She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
