I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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