what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
