i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
