Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
