Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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