she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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