The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
