he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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