I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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