It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
