My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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