I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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