not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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