Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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