community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
