I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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