omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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