i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
