I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
