Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
