I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
