you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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