come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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