I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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