I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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