so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
