Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
