If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
