just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think your dad took our porno
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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