It's just like the Real World with babies
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
