I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
