Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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