Your face is a jimmy john
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
