Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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