he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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