He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
