He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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