Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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