So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
